not so easy to get in your head

these days i have spending lot of my brain on answering certain questions cetain doubts , my heart my sould has been overwhelmed , intoxicated by these thoughts . they say , they ask , they question only one thing again and again and i.e what is life , how is life and why is life . can any one answer it . i question myself if evrything has been decided then what is my responsibility , why are we humans so somplicated , is there any role of emotions or everyone is just facke at least most of the world. why is that people still refuse the presence of god when we know there is someone up there who is puppeting us all . why ?????? why?????? .
there has to be an explainantion of every breath i take , there has to be a reason for evry time i pick my hand , evry time i speak i laugh i cry i shout , walk sit shit anything everything . on failing to answer as how this happens i question myself since when and how , why is our mouth not called as our eyes , why is our brain not called our heart and why is it that nose can only smell and mouth can only speak can anyone explain why aint nose speaks and mouth smells. strange isnt . this is my first argument to those who think that they rule their lives and there is no god . a simple question to all those bacterial infected brains answer me , why is your nose only for smelling and not for speaking , did you decide that , no no no never , then there has to be someone who made us like this who made what we are , and that very someone is god . now defy the fact that god s not there. hows that?
second part of my worries is why are humans so complex , i am amused by the multitasking specially when it comes to thinking of our brains . why is that humans have this tendency to think so much . behave in the most weirdest fashions . how come there is thsi huge gap between two humans . here is one who lives in decent apartment and there is one on the road who i c everyday cursing his life , shivering to death , and death touches him everyday but never hugs him . why is there so much difference . for me materialistic factor come later , because the first one is destiny whch is determined by god . and thats not all look at the irony or shall i say the fun of game called life , if i imagine myself on the road i c myself crying , moaning and shaken to death and the smiles which i talk about everyday would burried for ever but hey look at the fact the people living on streets , they still have some reasons to smile . i ask myself , ankit tell me one thin or one reason which according to you should make them smile and lagh. not surprising is the answer i stand speechless like a deadbody with mind and heart functioning but not wanting to participate in world.
these are the things which wont go or probably cant go or may not go whatever but there is something which we can learn from it , there is something in their lives which cn make our lives better , much better that what it is today and that too in seconds , its simple whenevr sad or whenwver stuck in mess of life just look around and you will find people who have problems which are much bigger much hampering much devilish much devastating but thsoe people have still managed to smile , then why cant u do that , if not that at leat thank god that you are not that handicapped man on the streest , you are not that unclad guy praying for death every second , you r not among those kids who were killed after molesting , not the one who has tumor on his face spreading everywhre and has been kicked out of his village , not that family whose daughetr was shot for no reason ,so if you cannot make any lives better at least be satisfied with what you are what you have and what you get because if its not getting better then thank god for not making it worst either .

reininventing myself

its been quite a while i have been talking about facing things with a smile accpeting that which is not your desire , now is the time when i have to practice what i preach , things if you see comparitively are going haywire and not so sound but if you let the world go to hell and then see life then nothing is actually going wrong its all good as there is only one person god who is taking care of everything . it is not easy to smile when you want to cry but thats exactly what i am doing i have created a shield an aura of positivity which is keeping all negativity out of my touch , i know not getting a job when u deserve it is the most disturbing thing that can happen to you but at this time the only remedy is to keep faith on yourself keep putting your efforts and wait for the right time right opportunity to knock and thats the time when god gives you signal and makes things easier for you and then it just seems like a cakewalk. till that time comes just keep learning and keep fighting because thats expected and thats the sign of a true man . i feel proud to say that i have the strength to face tough times with smile and a balance head on my shoulders . its nice to see myself grow like this , its nice to see myself strong like this , it helps me to respect myself much more , inspite of things not going my way i can atleast carry a high head on my shoulders beacuse i am at least fighting which takes me closer to my god. love you god if you wouldnt have been there all this wont have been there thanks for keeping your hand on my head .

small secret

i feel happy , satisfied , smling, and blessed . not that i have got what i wanted but rathr i havent achieved what i wanted instead i have been exposed to what god wanted for me. that day was the happiest of the day . i was going for icici to get a job . here i was fully prepared to rock in the gd and the interview and what happens is that i do not even enter the first round guess why , nnot that my cv was not good or it was pathetically made but it was very evidnet that day that there was umone else at work who was toying with my destiny and not letting me go which was probably not suitable for me , normal human beings would hav given the reaction of rejection and dejection and fighting with god taht if i want sumthin why do not u give that to me but here i was smiling at him as i had got to know exactly what he wanted to convey that boy do not worry i am up there taking care of ur life , the only problem is that i cant tell u ur future in advance but when the right time , right thing comes u will get an autommatic signal that this it but till then do not stop trying as thats what makes god works for u . it feels so nice that at times u cn very evidenmtly see hid presence in your life by simply discarding descision for u and at times accepting things for u that the magic of god , love u for everything u do . thanks u so much for being there couldnt have ask for more . three cheers for our rlation hip hip hurray .

i am back

its been quite a while i have written something for myself , there were times when i desperately wanted to write but couldnt do it , either due to paucity of time or scatterness of my mind. anyways point is to write whenevr i can , so here i am with a brain full of words expressing my thoughts in various forms, sizes and shapes. these days a new different knid of feeeling has captured me. i feel finally iam moving or lets say tackling the bull by its horns , simply, i am turning practical . the emotions which once used to be in my blood have dried up. well this doesnt mean that i am a emotionlesss man but , yes now i feel the unnecesary emotions arising out of my wasteful and non deserving trust on people which used to hurt me is finally coming to a an end. probably at this point of time i do not have correct words to explain but i am sure this is a stage of maturing which iam witnessing. probably i was waiting for this to happen , so that even i can live a hassel free life wherein i do not need to think what the other person thinks about u, i need to please everyone and if anything bad happen its because of me , and he must have felt bad because of me where in most of the time i got a slap on my face which always prooved that people today give a fuck to these small gestures, and to survive today you need to learn to draw lines as to when u think from the heart and when u think from the brains . yes it hurts when someone does sumthing which is not expected of him , but that is exactly ur test as to what extent u can b practical and take things as if nothing has happened. now why and how do u do such things . all this while one of my belief has been penned down on my heart which says nobody stays with u for lifetime , all these people are just acqantainces which you come across in the journey called life, people come and people go , thats what they are meant for , noone will make you what you want to be but for sure some will ensure that you do not become what you want to be . so why to be emotionally attached wtih everyone . i really feel that if you need to be successfull in todays world be a business man , in the sense that just think about yourself but dont be selfish. all of this from no angle should mean that i am a rude or shrewd man , no ,i know i posses maximum smiles, i pass maximum smiles , i have a open heart , i treat evrybody with full respect . but what i am inside is different from outside , inrrespective of the open arms and open heart , i aim to make myself well equipped with these facts so that nobody can take the liberty to hurt me or get inside my mind or heart only to make a mess and the best way to ensure that this doesnt happen is " stop giving so much importance to people around u , just treat them like acquaintance and then whatever they do whatever they say will be just a superficial layer , becuase at the end remember everything is planned and decided so those who have to stay with u for long will always b there at any cost , for that u need not make any extra effort and for those who do not deserve to b there they would be thrown out of ur life by that almighty above all of us . so live each day with your family as they are the only ones who will always b there even if the world is coming to an end.

..bring it on

i suppose this is the best way to fight , face things point blank on your face. with me it works big time. i do this by letting my feeling flow through words, that is what my new found hobby is. today i am feeling a bit low , i know why ? there is some uncertainity in life regarding my placements. not that the scene looks dull and chances are zero but yes it would not be an cakewalk to get a placement. well no complaints i know iam a fighter i know that, but its a human psychology that whenver something happens against ur wish it hurts but with my case i am trying , i remember my promise , i will smile and accept all decisions against me with open arms. but it is also intresting on the other hand, some people around who dont deserve to be there , make it somehow but those like me inspite of taking evrything seriously are in between who do not know what will happen , but iam sure when i succed , my success will be sweeter than their as it has come after a good fight , a strong tough time which i have faced with a smile. i know god i am sad today but i also know that i dont have to be sad as i have to keep on fighting , keep the right attitude and just keep on working and forget about the results , i know u r there watching everybit and you will give me whats right for me, i will wait for my time till then iam a surviver who knows how to exactly keep his head above the water. one more thing , hey god this one is from ur child if all of this has to be taken as a challenge , may be to test my nerves and test my practical side, then let me announce with full pride iam a strong man with his gods hand always with him, who will fight till the end, so bring it on , let it come , if ther is more i wanna c it , because when my time comes the world will have to see.
just a short notice to myself , hey ankit please realise that uptill now u have got almost everything without a fight without struggling , and if someone elses is getting something that probably due to the fact that they deserve it as they seen tough times in life, but dear ankit for u life has never been unbearably tough so smile as this is ur turn to proove ur manhood. bingo u have a task at hand. go for it man!!!! just go for it. only thing required is god which u know u have .

Hey !!!! its me.....

What is the height of insanity : Handful of indians !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i can see sai baba in a building in surat, i can feel the presense of maata in a tree, if i feed the god with milk they will bless me with a good fortune, not only that the water in a sea in mumbai is sweet because it is near to a muslim mosque, want to have more , there is man who calls himself a rebirht of radha and worships krishna. yah ! there is someone in south in the sabarmala ashram which gets impured with the presense of women in the pooja arena where its main pujari has kept some girls in a different apartment , for what no dont overdo your mind , he only goes there to conduct pooja and all !!!!!!!!!! sounds like ripleys believe it or not. but the harsh fact is believe it . these are the things which are really happening in this flat world of thomas friedman. this doesnt mean that they are true. whatever i said just shows the public voice of india. after all of these absurdities i am forced to think that are we really that india which is known for its IT . are we really the ones which is known for solving the Y2k bug, how are we growing at 8% when i guess the mind set of the indians is on a decline and is gettin microbial at a rate of may some 8% where 8 is the some nautical miles. anyways i am not going to compare the economy with the societ and give our flourishing corporates a complex of surviving in a place where his employee earns in the morning uses that money to only feed his god in the night.
what fascinates my imagination is the reaction of god at all this mess. if he is , ok not if i believe he is there up in the sky watching all of us playing the game of life which he has started. how is he feeling right now ? is he happy that people on earth have started finding him everywhere right from a building to a tree to in the water. hhhhmmm well if i know him right he would be anything but happy. because for a simple reason that there exists a difference between human and god which i call sanity. we human tend to exaggerate our sanities to the xtent where it is called insanity . but look at us , rather do a forensic study of our brains and you will find that we have this uncanny knack of eplaining almost everything on this earht with a proper logic. a logic even if it is the most absurd reasoning ever given it would still explain the insanity. god can drink milk because a true devotion and lot of pooja can inject some unnatural powers in that statue. a handful people believe that the water of a sea is sweet because of close proximity of a mosque and will never understand the concept of ecological imbalances. but still the question remains what is god thinking and what are his expressions.
one thing is certain he is in a state of shock. he bemused by lookin down, and everytime he does so his confusion his problems grow exponentially. i am sure he must be thinking that am i going through a memory loss or a weak eye sight , if not then why the fuck ( ya if this is the state of his paradise called earth , then words like fuck and suck are pretty obvious let us all allow him that) i am not able to see humans on earth , and how has suddenly tha population of donkeys increased or is the alzhiemers disease that i have forgotten the names of humans and started calling them donkeys and asses. poor god he is unaware that what he tries to do has backfired. he gave brains , speech to those who do no know how to use them and thre those quite creatures far away which should actually have been in plave of humans. what a mess isnt it ???? nothing can be done now but i know he knows exactly how to correct the imbalance . he is going to innovate . !!!!! dont be shocked its not only mittal who is a enterprenuer , even he is a business man ,a risk taker . a clear proof of which is the humans. people like you and me are the returns of these risk and those feeding milk, drinking sweet water are the risk which backfired. so if in future anybody asks u that what is the height of insanity just say a handful of indians.

a small confession..

these are the moments which i love to steal from my life , sit quitely in a corner of my house , ask everyone not to disturb me for a while and let this writer inside me play with few words and who knows they may end up making some sense. today i write because i have a purpose to do so. i feel i just realised something . though probably it was some kind of signal given to me by god to better my self and prepare myself in a rock solid manner for this feircly competitive world.
yesterday was the awakening day. it may be a small realisation but i would want it to be ingrained in my blood because i know it would solve lot of my problems. today i know i am a changed person. a completely reformed personality. with time i have grown though late but i have realised the importance of continous change and continous learning. due to these facts and these realisations i respect myself so do people around me. i know i am a capable man, with ;lot of potential tapped and more than that yet to be tapped. but there is small problem or shall i say a small insecurity complex. it is that i do not want to get lag behind , i do not want to loose this zeal , impetus this fire inside which has recntly been ignited. now this feeling or a myth or may be this fear sometimes shows on my face which people get to know . but i can bet my life on the fact that i am not under confident and when i say that i have guts to do domething big , i have a huge potential that is not a overstatemnt probably can be a understatement. i say this because i have seen myself adopting some good habbits with time . i have started to learn with every positive and every negative thing which comes acroos my way. one of my proffesors pointed this out the other day that you are over anxious and probably insecure. the fact is yes iam . but i am going to take it in apositive manner. actually i just fear that i should not become what i was 2 years ago a aimless fucker who had no big ambition and was not ready to face competition. i just wanna be this ankit what i am today. though i know that it is almost impossible that anyone can reced backwards, if i have to move , it has to be up the value chain. but at the end of the day iam human being i have my own fears my own whims and fancies. but solution is this what iam doing .facing this problem point blanc . write in and let these words flow so that they dont come back. i am sure it is going to pay me back as to some extent i will be benifited bu writing all this. i just want on thing , its a prayer , its a request, oh!!!! god please make sure that i keep on learning in life , i do not get into the insecurities of life, if at all i have to go it has to be up in the value chain for betterment as i have lot of ambition lot of desires and lot of responsibilities to shoulder o make me strong not weak. lastly if there has to be any comparison let it be with myself not with anyone else on this world. as i feel if can beat myself i do not need to beat anyone else.

everything is planned

i have always felt that our life is like a painting whose brush and colours are in the hands of that almighty god. the part of our life which we call as past is that portion which has already been painted by him, the part which he is painting right now is our present and that portion of the painting which seems incomplete or not painted is our future which we do not know as to how is he going to paint and what colour he will be using. so it goes to the world that justs cherish relish and injoy the part which has been painted i.e your past and give your best to your present by showing and giving even the last tinch of best of you have ,plus forget the future which has not been painted resting on the belief that this life cum a
painting is owned by god and he will do everything to make it a marvel and uniqueoneof its own.with every breath we grow old , this is one fact which i livewith , but there is one more fact which i want to live with that , with every passing
breath of yours learn something because it may be one amongst the millions you will take but if seen from someone elses eyes it may be the last among the millions he has taken. i say this to draw and pull forward the value of passing moments . that is why i want to learn something or other with every breath i take so that when my last one comes i have no work to do except distributing my smile as my legacy. this takes me to a fact , which is encrypted in my mind and always gives me positive energy , a spirit to keep my hopes alive and smiling .

you know what i beleive and what this fact is here you go ........

this man called ankit jhamb an ardent and passionate beleiver of god lives by the fact that EVERYTHNG HAPPENS FOR A REASON AND IS PLANNED. i know if you read this it sounds quite simple but tell me howmany times have you accepted things goind against you by consoling yourself or by telling your brains and heart that " look whatever has happened has happened for a reason and has a message behind it so lets just
be patient and learn to take our lessons properly." i can bet my life on the fact that not many of us have the courage to accept things not on their present value but by discounting the future. well intrestingly i can proudly say that i am learning this art. i am injecting or if i say i am manufacturing those so called guts to accept things going against you by synchronising my brain and heart to a conseus that everything has a deep rooted meaning which we human the creation of god need to trace out.

"sorry , in between of this i just need to clarify somthing that looking out for reason and lessons as told above from no angle should lead to the conclusion that doing this merely shows your weakness . it never means that you kneel down in front of the problem and say ok i loose. no thats not what i am saying . even the microbial of the brains should not choose this school of thought thats my request ."

coming back to business , i have already written about the value , the importance every breath carries for me . and for the same reason this mantra becomes a life saving drug , a self help book, a management guru , a saint guiding you through the darks of life . well have you ever thought that in a day of 24 hours , going deeper 24* 60 minutes , ok lets go even further 24* 3600 seconds which is hell lot of time you re using your brains , doing n number of things and taking n+1 number of decision ( plz forgive me for being mathematical ). if you start counting which is one more decision you take and one more task you do you will probably choke in an hour . this is the complexity of a single day and just thinks about the entire life.
a simple question " what , why and how according to you are things happenning around you and even with you . hhmmmm if iam not drunk and have not lost my sense and i am still in the playground of sanity thne for sure there is no lucky draw system for life, neither there is a satellite connection in this flat world which tells u what has to be done , nor any ad hoc system where everythin is a coincidence. ok !!! jokes apart everyone knows i am right but what you do not know is that everything we are performing right from opening our eyes in the morning to welcome the sun to closing our eyes to chanda mama has been planned and is happening for a reaosn.

when i look back in the journey called life which is still going on since 22 years , i feel there has always been a reason in every breath i have taken, in every step i have taken. and when today i turn back , i cant resisit myself but to look up to my god and say smart man you knew it all . i see that it was all planned and fitted into a chain which only he could see sitting with a smile on his face which i have always imagined. thats why i said god is surely a painter and we are his canvas.

but this is not the end. told you earlier that everything is planned and happens for a reason. but do we really succumb to these facts. no never we wont . for a simple reason because we worship god to get what we want and ifwe dont get that we try to save our pocket by not spending on those flowers which dont do good to us . herein lies the mystery . which i am trying to solve and fiddle it with everyday.every time when something happens which doesnt comply with my wishlist i make it a point to revive this philosophy by taking it out from my pandora bax that it has happend because there is a reason behind it and for sure you will get to know it later in life . but this doesnt solve the ever mounting frustration, what acts as a pain releiver is that whatever happens with me happens only for good , there is no bad to it , no flip side to this good. if i havent got anything today thats because i deserve better plus there is a reason for letting me achieve that. i know its easier said than done. at times when you pin your hopes on sumething which is very close to your heart and you may want it desperately and you may have worshipped some time extra to please him, and u still dont get that it leads to dead end but trust me thats a mirage . its not a dead end but a opportunity to fight back to pay back.
yes pay back , god will always give us what we want without asking anybit in return , but at times he wants us to show the xtent of trust we have , this is the time to pay back by trusting his decision even if our heart and mind are against it , at least our soul will be with it. this is the time to convey in simple words that god whatever you do i will trust u and would accept all your decsions with open arms and a big warm smile. because i know everything happens for a reason and for good.

if my words have been appreciated so far , then i would like to end by pushing a story of a boy who travelled the distance between him and his god with the help of the vehicles made up of trust , truth, innocence, honesty, courage and purity, and today he can see , he can feel , he can share , he can talk to his god as if he is not in the sky but always with him besides him. but still he bever stops himself from looking at the sky because he realises the fact the god at the end of the day is not anyone personel posseion and needs to be everywhere for which he never regeret as in return he got soemthing from him a never ending relation based on trust and beleief that whenevr you need me just look up and you will see my hand. and
that still happens. well i need not tell who he was as no one can be expected to know something as deep as this xcept the writer.